Calling All Disciples

 

    The calling of the disciples narrative in the beginning of the fifth chapter of Luke reminds us of the grand plans of our loving Father. Simon (Peter) tells Jesus the situation – of course on his natural human level.

    “We have worked hard all night and caught nothing. “ That’s it, end of story. How telling is this phrase? How many restless nights have we “worked hard” struggling with an issue? Ruminating about a circumstance? Beleaguering a situation? Yet we find ourselves no further from whence we began. Lord, I have caught nothing. Do you not see this?

    Our vision is limited by our earthly fences and fears, the ones we create in our own minds. But Jesus has the divine vision, beyond our understanding. I find it even humorous.. but Lord, you don’t understand – this is the way it is. But then Peter opens a small crack in his façade, ‘But if you say so..” He is willing, even if in a small way to entertain the possibilities. I will reluctantly indulge you in this ridiculous idea of yours.. probably thinking he will prove his own point. And then Jesus does what he has come to do. To widen our lens, expand our vision beyond the small minded “seeing” of our limited faith and belief. How ever so small is the trust we place in him over our own knowing!

    Well Peter thought, my way is not working, I guess I can surrender to your way, your will Lord. And what happens? Abundance. Something from seemingly nothing. Abandonment to the fear of what we don’t know, stepping off the ledge of our own comfort. Surrendering to what we can’t even fathom,  to trust in the will of God. Do not be afraid, Jesus tells his friend. My way is truth, goodness and light.

    But it will appear counterintuitive, perhaps even controversial. It would not make sense in the natural order. Only when we allow the supernatural to unleash its power and providence will we be able to see a glimpse of God’s plan. We are creatures of comfort, but Jesus calls us to be uncomfortable. To trust beyond what we feel is humanly possible. To abandon our own fears to the one who overcame fear for us all.

Lord strengthen my resolve! Let me trust in you with my whole being, without fear but with a trust grounded in your love and fidelity. Let me emerge from the dark night of emptiness and dread into the dawn of your abundant light and love. Without fear, without hesitation, into the deep, leaving everything to follow you.

Grace in Grief

 

Fifteen years.. how is that even possible? Fifteen years have passed dear sister since you left this world. Thoughts of you permeated my morning prayer, and even though it is a holiday today I went to morning mass. We pray the divine mercy chaplet every Monday after mass for priests, especially our current and former pastor.

After the chaplet I lit a candle for you dear sister at the Mary statue. I prayed for your comfort and peace. I don’t really worry too much about your place, I know you are in heaven with Jesus. I prayed for your family, your girls, those of us you left behind. When you were at your last days I prayed to take in your spirit. I prayed to take in the beautiful gifts that you shared so selflessly with others and the church. Your musical talent, your love of teaching and serving. Especially the best pies on earth, one I have yet to master. I know if you were still here you would be still serving in so many ways. So I serve, in your honor and your memory. After I lit your candle I played a song on the piano, Table of Plenty. Music I had borrowed that I was returning. The church was empty of people, but full of the Spirit. I hesitated before leaving.. should I stop in the adoration chapel?

The Spirit led me into the chapel and as soon as my knees hit the pew before the Blessed Sacrament I began weeping. Jesus wept for his friend Lazarus, his friend that had been like a brother to him. Lord you know this pain, this grief. Be with me in mine. I got up a bit embarrassed and apologized to the woman sitting in prayer.

I’m so sorry, I apologized. It’s been fifteen years since I lost my sister. Oh goodness she said, don’t apologize. I understand your pain, I lost my older sister several years ago. What are the chances this day that the person in adoration would have shared this same loss? We spoke for a few minutes, comforted each other and she left me with a prayer. “Be good to yourself.”

How great is our God? He provides for our needs in a way that cannot be matched in earthly ways. Two sisters, sharing the suffering of a loss so deep. My heart was heavy when I entered the chapel, but I left full of light, full of comfort and hope. The love and compassion shared from one person to another. We are truly walking each other home.

I hope dear sister you are proud of me, I hope my meager offerings to family and church will somehow continue your legacy of love and service. Until we meet in heaven. I miss you and I love you forever.

“My bread will ever sustain you
through days of sorrow and woe.
My wine will flow like a sea of gladness
to flood the depths of your soul.”

 Table of Plenty

The Lessons of Christmas

 

I wrote this a few years ago, but was wonderfully reminded on a social media post that popped up. The gifts have been opened, the presents saved or returned, the dishes stored away and the dry season of winter is laid out before us. But Christmas, this feeling in our spirits must continue to permeate our every day lives. The joys of our faith and family, the love shared in abundance cannot fade. 

    Definitely on the struggle bus this holiday.. Maybe it’s still all the virus drama, hitting too close to home. Maybe just drama in general.. who knows. 

    I do know heading into Advent my best friend lost her mom. Even though she was 95, yes lived a full life.. never easy to lose your mom. It got me thinking about my mom, my sister, my dad and all those no longer with us. I was melancholy for sure. 

    So I prayed, Lord help me find the joy this holiday, give me the grace to see you as the center. Last night I subbed at 7 pm for adoration.. and I took it because I knew there was a holiday concert with Taylor Tripodi at the church the same time.. maybe I would hear it.  I posted as I do “How can I pray for you” as I knelt before the blessed sacrament.. and then I heard it.. the concert, the sound wafting over to the adoration chapel. It brought me to tears.. I do love Christmas music.

     I spent the hour enjoying the music and praying for the prayer requests that came in… but the last one got me. A friend asked me to pray for a healthy pregnancy and safe delivery.. This friend has older children.. a surprise baby?? Just then Taylor sang Joy to the world.. and there is was.. the joy in a new life.. the joy of an unexpected birth so many years ago. Jesus. The joy of Christmas.

Feast of the Most Holy Name of Jesus

Before prayer this morning after looking at the feast day I pondered the fact that after every mass we, Gods people, are sent to share the good news. 

Morning prayer has this passage from Psalm 24

The Lord’s is the earth and its fullness, 

the world and all its peoples. 

It is he who set it on the seas;

on the waters he made firm.

Who shall climb the mountain of the Lord?

Who shall stand in his holy place?

The man with clean hands and pure heart, who desires not worthless things, who has sworn so as not to deceive his neighbor.

He shall receive blessings from the Lord and reward from the God who saves him.

Such are the men who seek him, seek the God of Jacob. 

So back to my original reflection. If we are sent, how do we respond?

Sometimes the closest anyone will get to Jesus is through us. Will they see him? Will they feel his presence? Will they come to know his love? 

See what love the Father has bestowed on us that we may be called children of God. Yet so we are.

In our every day ordinary dealings with those around us let us never forget we are. 

Trustworthy

 

Our presider at Mass gave a beautiful homily this morning on the feast day of the Holy Family. He began that we are all in dysfunctional families, even the Holy family had its challenges and the fact that they were the Holy Family did not exempt them from these struggles. In the context of the readings, in my humble opinion, he missed the opportunity to explain HOW they got through said struggles.  I saw something a little different.. Let me explain.

The second reading was from Hebrews and it states.

Brothers and sisters:
By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place
that he was to receive as an inheritance;
he went out, not knowing where he was to go.
By faith he received power to generate,
even though he was past the normal age
--and Sarah herself was sterile--
for he thought that the one who had made the promise was trustworthy.
So it was that there came forth from one man,
himself as good as dead,
descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky
and as countless as the sands on the seashore.

By faith Abraham, when put to the test, offered up Isaac, 
and he who had received the promises was ready to offer
his only son,
of whom it was said,
“Through Isaac descendants shall bear your name.”
He reasoned that God was able to raise even from the dead,
and he received Isaac back as a symbol.

Did you notice a theme? I know I did!

BY FAITH! That is how we all do it, by thinking, by knowing that the one who made the promise was TRUSTWORTHY, as stated by St. Paul to the Hebrews.

You have to ask yourself if you trust in the God of these promises. If the Old Testament wasn’t enough of an example with time and time again the God of Abraham rescuing his beloved, in the New Testament he brings himself to earth in Jesus. Christianity is the only religion where our God comes to us! To prove he was a man of his word.

So when you are knee deep in dysfunction, our homilist asks us to pray with a few questions. Is this a worldly issue that I am bound up in? And how am I contributing to the problem?

He recommends embracing poverty, both mind body and spirit. Good reflections to be certain.

But that leads us right back to trust. If we do let go of these things, can we be certain of our future? Can we trust in God? It all comes down to trust. Knowing that when we do surrender our loving God is with us, guiding us, providing for us, always with us.  Emmanuel.

 

Mary Undoer of Knots

Over the years as a former beauty professional guests have shared some of their deepest struggles. They intensified through my own faith formation training. Maybe they were always intense, but now I was listening in a new and different way. Maybe truly listening for the very first time, with my heart. They often begin with “I’ve never told this to anyone”, and at that I pause and say Holy Spirit come. I know the pending conversation will need to be guided by his wisdom and grace. One occasion I can share. My guest began, “You’re Catholic, why does this stuff keep happening to me?” Come Holy Spirit indeed. I asked her to share what was going on. Her son had been journeying down a dangerous path of drug addiction with all the trappings and bad decisions that accompany this route. We had prayed often for his safety, his protection, for God to intercede in some way to rescue him. Well she got the answer to prayer, but she did not like the way that it was answered . Her son had been in a car accident with his young son, her grandson, in the car. He went left of center and hit an oncoming car. The woman in the other car was tragically killed. Her son was banged up but ok, and his son suffered a mild concussion but would recover completely. They found narcotics that were not his in the car and arrested him. He was in jail facing drug and vehicular homicide charges. I paused again and asked the Holy Spirit to make haste to help me before I spoke. First of all I began, let’s pray for the repose of the woman who was killed and her family. Ironically she shared with me that the woman had lost a child several years ago and had fallen into a deep depression, praying to be reunited with her. This of course would never, ever justify the horrible turn of events. I did find it ironic though. Again I paused and pondered for a moment. Well, I said, we prayed for him to be safe. Yes, she softly said. Praise God he is safe, your grandson was not injured any more badly than he was. You wanted God to intercede in his struggle with drugs, looks like God answered your prayers. He landed him in a place where all that may happen. Not without this additional cross now to bear and I know not in a way you would have ever chosen for him. At this point she was crying, we both were. You have to ask yourself if you trust God, I said to her. Do you believe in his promises? At the end of the day through albeit a tragic accident and the loss of what I am sure was a precious life, God is still protecting your son. Why him and not the other driver? Only God knows. I asked her to pray to Mary undoer of knots, the mother of us all for wisdom, courage, and strength. Through the months that followed she shared updates on how her son was doing. He was clean and sober for the first time in many, many years. Through our conversations she would share scripture or an uplifting quote that we had talked about in these talks with her son. She discovered he was writing them on a board and sharing with the other inmates in prison. Her struggle with her own belief was being strengthened by trying to strengthen another. And his struggle was strengthening others as well. A beautiful witness to the power of our own prayer and fidelity to a God that is so faithful to us. A great witness to how God can always find a way to have some good come out of a horrible situation. Her son has served his time and is back in society. I wish I could say things are now perfect, he still struggles in life, as we all do, but things are better. I encourage my friend to understand we all have our own journey. My friend has grown so much in her faith journey over the years and I am so proud of the progress she has made. She looks to her faith now and offers up her suffering to God and prays for his help. She has become a prayer warrior, an encourager to others, and inspiration to me and so many others. She has learned to rely on God and not her own understanding. Mary continues to untie many knots she faces in her life. Mary, Undoer of knots, pray for us.

The Joy of Connection

The tears spilled out of the corners of my eyes and rolled down my cheeks while I spoke with the owner of the repair shop, and no, it wasn’t about my car. I have been going to this local repair shop off and on for the last 20 years. It isn’t east to find a good car shop and as a woman.. I’ve been taken advantage of more than a few times. But here is different, they are honest and will work with you. Many times when I worked close by they would drop me off and pick me up when my car was ready. The owner and I would chat every once in a while. His wife had Alzheimer’s and he wouldn’t think of putting her in a nursing home.. he said nobody is going to take care of her better than me. He brought her with him to work and I’d see her sitting with her baby doll. That floored me. In a throw away society, he took seriously his vows to his wife and took care of her. He said I’m an old fashioned guy. 

 When we moved closer to another shop it was more convenient to drop our cars off there and walk home.. but the work was sub-par and we knew it. I felt guilty for not giving my business to this local shop and going to a chain. I hadn’t been there in about a year but took a chance and stopped in today thinking with the inclement weather they might be slow. “Oh no, in this weather we ramp up, it starts with the report of bad weather” but he took my number and said he’d call if he could get me in later in the day. He said maybe around 3:30 or 4 and true to his word he called me to bring it in and they would take care of me. It was just an oil change so I figured I’d just take some work with me and wait for it. He took my information and my keys and I sat down. 

When the paperwork was ready I went back up to the counter to sign. I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me to ask.. “Can I ask you a personal question?” “Sure.” “Your wife?” He said she passed away 17 months ago. I was afraid he might say that. He told me it was the hardest thing he ever had to go through. I told him how sorry I was and my tears welled up. As he shared more my heart broke for him. His health suffered and finally when the funeral was over his son insisted he go to the Doctor. He had a few issues but then the doctor told him he’s seen this before, he was suffering from a broken heart. The tears rolled down my cheeks now. We chatted off and on in between customers and phone calls. He shared their history, their love story. It was quite touching really.   

We talked about faith, he shared that he has not always been super religious but that he died, twice, and he said “I can tell you one thing.. this isn’t it.” I was captivated by his story and his willingness to share with a virtual stranger. But we also talked about how upside down the world is right now. I said the world needs less preaching and more witnessing like his love and care for his wife. You’re a good man I said, and if I noticed it I’m sure others did too. I’m far from perfect he said, but who is? He has thoughts that haunt him, things he would have done differently if he weren’t so caught up in the day to day care. But you did your best, what you thought best for her and that’s all that matters. I shared with him that I am in ministry now after being a hairdresser for over forty years. He asked me what compelled me to make that change. I said I guess understanding how good God has been to me, especially in my darkest times when I hit rock bottom I wanted to make sure others knew about him and that he was there for them too. “The good Lord has been good to me too” he shared. 

We talked about his siblings and how different they all were. But he was really close to his mom who raised them on her own. He said he was the favored one but there was a reason for that. After they were all grown sometimes she would call him late at night and he would answer to What are you doing.. only to discover she was in his driveway. She was lonely and he recognized that, invited her in and spent the time with her she needed. His mom taught him how to be a good husband although I’m sure at the time neither one realized it. It was such a genuine, surprising connection. 

 When my car was done I assured him I would pray for him and he thanked me and said it was nice chatting with you. Really nice chatting with you too I replied back. I know from now on I will not take my car anywhere else. I want to give my business to people like him and continue checking in on my friend. 

 I wrote this a few weeks ago and tonight in the midst of last minute running around I felt compelled to stop in and wish my friend a Merry Christmas. It can be a hard time of year, I told him. He was genuinely touched, I could see it in his eyes. We exchanged our holiday plans and he came from behind the counter for a hug. Merry Christmas I told him, and God bless you friend. If you know someone struggling this season, check in on them. They will appreciate it more than you know.