Calling All Disciples

 

    The calling of the disciples narrative in the beginning of the fifth chapter of Luke reminds us of the grand plans of our loving Father. Simon (Peter) tells Jesus the situation – of course on his natural human level.

    “We have worked hard all night and caught nothing. “ That’s it, end of story. How telling is this phrase? How many restless nights have we “worked hard” struggling with an issue? Ruminating about a circumstance? Beleaguering a situation? Yet we find ourselves no further from whence we began. Lord, I have caught nothing. Do you not see this?

    Our vision is limited by our earthly fences and fears, the ones we create in our own minds. But Jesus has the divine vision, beyond our understanding. I find it even humorous.. but Lord, you don’t understand – this is the way it is. But then Peter opens a small crack in his façade, ‘But if you say so..” He is willing, even if in a small way to entertain the possibilities. I will reluctantly indulge you in this ridiculous idea of yours.. probably thinking he will prove his own point. And then Jesus does what he has come to do. To widen our lens, expand our vision beyond the small minded “seeing” of our limited faith and belief. How ever so small is the trust we place in him over our own knowing!

    Well Peter thought, my way is not working, I guess I can surrender to your way, your will Lord. And what happens? Abundance. Something from seemingly nothing. Abandonment to the fear of what we don’t know, stepping off the ledge of our own comfort. Surrendering to what we can’t even fathom,  to trust in the will of God. Do not be afraid, Jesus tells his friend. My way is truth, goodness and light.

    But it will appear counterintuitive, perhaps even controversial. It would not make sense in the natural order. Only when we allow the supernatural to unleash its power and providence will we be able to see a glimpse of God’s plan. We are creatures of comfort, but Jesus calls us to be uncomfortable. To trust beyond what we feel is humanly possible. To abandon our own fears to the one who overcame fear for us all.

Lord strengthen my resolve! Let me trust in you with my whole being, without fear but with a trust grounded in your love and fidelity. Let me emerge from the dark night of emptiness and dread into the dawn of your abundant light and love. Without fear, without hesitation, into the deep, leaving everything to follow you.

Grace in Grief

 

Fifteen years.. how is that even possible? Fifteen years have passed dear sister since you left this world. Thoughts of you permeated my morning prayer, and even though it is a holiday today I went to morning mass. We pray the divine mercy chaplet every Monday after mass for priests, especially our current and former pastor.

After the chaplet I lit a candle for you dear sister at the Mary statue. I prayed for your comfort and peace. I don’t really worry too much about your place, I know you are in heaven with Jesus. I prayed for your family, your girls, those of us you left behind. When you were at your last days I prayed to take in your spirit. I prayed to take in the beautiful gifts that you shared so selflessly with others and the church. Your musical talent, your love of teaching and serving. Especially the best pies on earth, one I have yet to master. I know if you were still here you would be still serving in so many ways. So I serve, in your honor and your memory. After I lit your candle I played a song on the piano, Table of Plenty. Music I had borrowed that I was returning. The church was empty of people, but full of the Spirit. I hesitated before leaving.. should I stop in the adoration chapel?

The Spirit led me into the chapel and as soon as my knees hit the pew before the Blessed Sacrament I began weeping. Jesus wept for his friend Lazarus, his friend that had been like a brother to him. Lord you know this pain, this grief. Be with me in mine. I got up a bit embarrassed and apologized to the woman sitting in prayer.

I’m so sorry, I apologized. It’s been fifteen years since I lost my sister. Oh goodness she said, don’t apologize. I understand your pain, I lost my older sister several years ago. What are the chances this day that the person in adoration would have shared this same loss? We spoke for a few minutes, comforted each other and she left me with a prayer. “Be good to yourself.”

How great is our God? He provides for our needs in a way that cannot be matched in earthly ways. Two sisters, sharing the suffering of a loss so deep. My heart was heavy when I entered the chapel, but I left full of light, full of comfort and hope. The love and compassion shared from one person to another. We are truly walking each other home.

I hope dear sister you are proud of me, I hope my meager offerings to family and church will somehow continue your legacy of love and service. Until we meet in heaven. I miss you and I love you forever.

“My bread will ever sustain you
through days of sorrow and woe.
My wine will flow like a sea of gladness
to flood the depths of your soul.”

 Table of Plenty

The Lessons of Christmas

 

I wrote this a few years ago, but was wonderfully reminded on a social media post that popped up. The gifts have been opened, the presents saved or returned, the dishes stored away and the dry season of winter is laid out before us. But Christmas, this feeling in our spirits must continue to permeate our every day lives. The joys of our faith and family, the love shared in abundance cannot fade. 

    Definitely on the struggle bus this holiday.. Maybe it’s still all the virus drama, hitting too close to home. Maybe just drama in general.. who knows. 

    I do know heading into Advent my best friend lost her mom. Even though she was 95, yes lived a full life.. never easy to lose your mom. It got me thinking about my mom, my sister, my dad and all those no longer with us. I was melancholy for sure. 

    So I prayed, Lord help me find the joy this holiday, give me the grace to see you as the center. Last night I subbed at 7 pm for adoration.. and I took it because I knew there was a holiday concert with Taylor Tripodi at the church the same time.. maybe I would hear it.  I posted as I do “How can I pray for you” as I knelt before the blessed sacrament.. and then I heard it.. the concert, the sound wafting over to the adoration chapel. It brought me to tears.. I do love Christmas music.

     I spent the hour enjoying the music and praying for the prayer requests that came in… but the last one got me. A friend asked me to pray for a healthy pregnancy and safe delivery.. This friend has older children.. a surprise baby?? Just then Taylor sang Joy to the world.. and there is was.. the joy in a new life.. the joy of an unexpected birth so many years ago. Jesus. The joy of Christmas.

Feast of the Most Holy Name of Jesus

Before prayer this morning after looking at the feast day I pondered the fact that after every mass we, Gods people, are sent to share the good news. 

Morning prayer has this passage from Psalm 24

The Lord’s is the earth and its fullness, 

the world and all its peoples. 

It is he who set it on the seas;

on the waters he made firm.

Who shall climb the mountain of the Lord?

Who shall stand in his holy place?

The man with clean hands and pure heart, who desires not worthless things, who has sworn so as not to deceive his neighbor.

He shall receive blessings from the Lord and reward from the God who saves him.

Such are the men who seek him, seek the God of Jacob. 

So back to my original reflection. If we are sent, how do we respond?

Sometimes the closest anyone will get to Jesus is through us. Will they see him? Will they feel his presence? Will they come to know his love? 

See what love the Father has bestowed on us that we may be called children of God. Yet so we are.

In our every day ordinary dealings with those around us let us never forget we are.