Little Flower

I am a little flower 

I don't have much to give

But give is what I'll do 

For as long or short I live

God had given me the strength

To rise up through this rock

This beauty showing through Him

A love the world can"t block

His gift to me is simple 

A meek and humble heart

This gift I offer others

From Him whom all things start

So for those who pass this way

Let my life be a reminder

He'll give you all you need

To be wiser, stronger, kinder

So put you trust in Him

In everything you face 

And know that He will guide you

To His rich and heavenly place

Millie Prebel

Inspired by St Therese the little flower

Earthen Vessels

Saturday December 7. 2019

      As I sat before the Blessed Sacrament this morning after opening my heart to Jesus I was contemplating what to pray on. The night before, after the latest news of yet another priest scandal, this one right in our own backyard, I picked up the copy of Bishop Barron’s Letter to a Suffering Church on my reading table. I had started it when it was first released last fall and never finished it, pushed aside by other pressing things to read. With a heavy heart I began from the beginning looking for something to sooth my own suffering heart.

      A few nights earlier a conversation broke out about this latest scandal at our class dinner. One of the women in our class is in the master’s pastoral ministry program at Ursuline and in conversation another member of our class said to her “You should just join our program.” A comment she shrugged off. As the discussion turned to this latest scandal it was at this point she felt compelled to tell us this is why she would never join our program. She could not be involved in a program associated with the Catholic Church. It broke my heart and I wish I had had the courage at the time to tell her what my thoughts were. This is exactly why I AM in the program. To stand in the gap between the church and the people of the church. To represent church in a positive light with love and joy, compassion and truth.  You’re either a part of the problem by judging and complaining about the situation or you’re part of the positive movement of solution. A challenging position these days.

       In his book Bishop Barron brings scripture into the discussion to try and shed light in some way to this travesty. One of the passages he shared that really struck me was in 2 Corinthians.

  “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;  Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.” 2 Cor 4:7-10

I guess I never really understood that those earthen vessels are us. Those of us in the physical manifestation of the spirit of Christ.  Barron states in his chapter Why Should We Stay that “If we look around at the situation today, we see it; if we look back to the Scriptures, it is evident; if we survey the twenty centuries of Church history we cannot miss it. The vessels are all fragile and many of them are downright broken; but we don’t stay because of the vessels. We stay because of the treasure.”  The treasure that is our Catholic faith.

       He reminds us that the claims of Catholicism are “both compelling and beautiful.”  He reminds us these treasures speak of a Trinitarian God of love who sent us his son, who defeated sin and death when he rose on that third day and gave us the Holy Spirit. He reminds us of the tradition of the sacraments, the saints, the very way of holy life.  This treasure does not diminish by the vessel that carries it. We are all flawed, loved sinners and the treasure is our salvation.

       Per usual God’s words were right on time at mass. Proclaiming the Gospel according to Matthew Fr. Goodfellow reads “The harvest is abundant but the laborers are few, so ask the master of the harvest to send out laborers for his harvest.”  I stay for the treasure and to share the beauty of this treasure with others.

Return to Me

Jesuit Retreat Center June 2018

For there is no path, no journey too far strayed that won't eventually encounter Jesus. He is there, omnipresent on all paths.  He is the Good Shepherd diligently seeking his lost sheep with open arms and a merciful open sacred heart, waiting to welcome us back to him. No desert, no valley, no abyss too deep where his presence cannot pierce the darkness.  His love in wait as spiritual soul food nourishing our very existence, strengthening us for the journey back to him. 

Reflection on Ephesians 2:19-22

Jesus Conversion Story

"Jesus went away from there, and withdrew into the district of Tyre and Sidon. And a Canaanite woman from that region came out and began to cry out, saying, 'Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter is cruelly demon-possessed.' But He did not answer her a word. And His disciples came and implored Him, saying, 'Send her away, because she keeps shouting at us.' But He answered and said, 'I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.' But she came and began to bow down before Him, saying, 'Lord, help me!' And He answered and said, 'It is not good to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs.' But she said, 'Yes, Lord; but even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from their masters' table.' Then Jesus said to her, 'O woman, your faith is great; it shall be done for you as you wish.' And her daughter was healed at once."

I have often struggled with this gospel. Jesus turns his back on the woman, this mother begging for help for her daughter. This mornings homily from Father Ed at St. Mary's brought much clarity. Understanding the culture of the time helps shed light on this story. Often times the Canaanites were called Pagan dogs, outside the holy land of Israel. They were looked down on, second class citizens to say the least. So Jesus following the customs of the time turned her away. Yet her faith, to stand before Him pleading for His intercession stirred His own heart. By calling him Son of David He realizes she believes Him to be the son of God through this messianic title, just like Bartimaeus did. When Jesus hears this call He has His own conversion moment. His ministry is changed from that time forward realizing His teachings have become more universal, more far reaching than He once thought. Her fidelity and persistence offers Him hope and He is moved to heal her daughter. Fr Ed believes this is the only conversion story of Jesus in the bible. Ever the provident teacher he shows us how to love outside the margins.

Be Healed

      What might seem obvious to many Jesus asks. “Do you want to be made well?”  This is not the first time he asks the sick what is their need. My spiritual director has often encouraged me to verbalize my needs and desires in prayer to the Lord. Even though we may think He knows all, what is the point, our God still wants us to come to Him. If we cannot verbalize our needs maybe they need more reflection, more discernment. Maybe we are asking for the wrong things, perhaps our will and not Gods. Maybe we have prayed so long for something we feel nothing will change. But our God is a God of surprises.  Taking time in prayer to humble ourselves in God’s presence and cry out to Him is essential. Persevering in prayer is a virtue that can be strengthened by our fidelity to the practice of taking our concerns to the cross.

Humbled

    Social media can be a curse and a blessing. We can waste time or we can make that time useful. I tend to follow a lot of religious communities and their posts are so beautiful I often share them. Today I shared a post from the Sisters of Notre Dame Chardon Ohio  that said “I have given God a million reasons not to love me. None of them changed His mind.” Simply stated, profoundly true.  It is a great reminder much like todays gospel, while it may be difficult to hear it shows us just how much God loves us. It reminds me to be humble and contrite, to never judge and to throw myself at the feet of the mercy of God.  “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”  No matter how off course I wander Lord, bring me home to you. For you are the way the truth and the life.

Commandments Vs. Relationship?

      

     A few months back my husband posed a question to me. Do you think it is more important to follow the commandments or to have a relationship with God? Easy one, I thought, relationship right? No we are called to follow the commandments, he stated matter of factly. This began a light hearted debate when we disagreed. What does it matter to follow the commandments logically if God is not in your heart? I added. He countered with if you don’t follow the commandments how can you be in relationship with God? My counter, if you are in relationship with God you wants to follow the commandments. We’re both right, but the beautiful thing about faith is God meets us where we are at, and where we are coming from. Whether we follow the commandments to get to Him, or our relationship drives us to be holy and follow his laws, just make sure they come from a genuine place of desire for God.

Merciful Father

    

      No good deed goes unpunished. That quote I repeat all too often at times in my life. The concern though is what we do with those feelings we have when an act we committed in good faith has been misinterpreted and thought wrong even sinful? Do we respond? Or do we react? The magic is in the moment of pondering, the one moment we take before we respond. That moment of prayerful quiet. Our antiphon is a clue in today's readings as well." If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts." God calls us to be open, be prayerful, be merciful and kind, be Him. If our end desire is to bring as many as we can to the kingdom, isn’t that what our response should be? Satan does not even have to lift a finger if we destroy each other. “Even now says the Lord, return to me with your whole heart, for I am gracious and merciful.”  Merciful indeed.

Family of Faith

     One of the greatest challenges that often come up with other catholic moms in conversation is that their adult children don’t practice their faith. It is a frustration and heartache many carry. As a spiritual director one of the first things we learn is that every one’s spiritual journey is uniquely their own. Quite honestly there were many times in my life that I was not a devout follower. No amount of preaching could reach me either. But I know the many prayers of loved ones still poured into my life and they did eventually fall on fertile ground.  Only through heartache, loss and disappointment did I realize my need for God and was able to see, in retrospect, his mercy and grace written throughout the pages of my life. Take heart, your prayers too will not fall on deaf ears forever. Pray to Mary for courage and to St Monica for perseverance. Eventually you own faith will be the best witness.

The Beauty of the Sacraments

   One of the things I love so much about our Catholic faith is the sacraments. They are all so beautiful in their rituals. Today’s reading from Corinthians tells us “Whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away.” Every time we receive a sacrament we become a new creation. This theme runs through each and every one, from beginning to end.  A child baptized is given a white garment, blessed with holy water and oil symbolizing a new creation.  At a funeral mass the coffin is draped in a white cloth by the family and sprinkled with holy water returning us to our creator as a new creation. All through our catholic life in each of the sacraments as we grow deeper in our faith, more mature in our spiritual life we are reminded that our creator continues to recreate us. We become participants in that creation by the fidelity of covenant we enter into with God.

It's Time to Forgive

     Today’s gospel from Matthew is one of my favorites. Strange I know, but it reminds me of God’s mercy and never ending forgiveness. And it reminds me that I am called to be a merciful forgiver too. Simple, not easy. One part of this reading was pointed out in a radio show I was listening to years ago, the line that the “wicked servant” was handed over to the “torturers”. He was literally tortured because of his un-forgiveness. And isn’t that what holding a grudge and not forgiving another does to us? It tortures us. It keeps us stuck in the past, not able to move past whatever hurt we felt. We get holier than though and believe the person does not deserve our forgiveness. I’m sorry, isn’t that Gods job to decide?  We are all loved sinners in God’s eyes.

Luke 6:38 “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.”

Pray for Us

     At Holy Angels Catholic church in Bainbridge, Ohio we are blessed to have Mercy Chapel. There is something quite sacred about this space. Over the last few months I have taken to praying in front of our statue of Mary in our chapel. As a mother I find her my life, my sweetness and my hope.  I take my motherly concerns to the pew in front of her and pray for her wisdom, guidance and strength. I pour out my heart, my worries and my weaknesses. I ponder her Fiat, her strength to say yes to God. I wonder how a young woman could enter into this covenant of mystery. It could only be her faith. Her fidelity to God and his promises gave her the courage to bear his son.  I pray for a portion of that courage, I pray for a restless heart,  I pray for my children at her feet.

 

Lent is a time full of opportunities and possibilities. More than any other time of the year we are urged to reflect on our spiritual lives, to clean house, to repair and rebuild. The story of the fig tree is a wonderful representation of this time in our liturgical calendar. While the owner of the orchard is convicted to cut it down when it continues to bear no fruit the gardener has a more cultivating heart.  Leave it here for this year, he urges and I shall cultivate the ground around it and fertilize it: it may bear fruit in the future. We all could use a good gardener in our lives. Someone that pours into our lives, fertilizes us with wise counsel and a merciful heart.  Lent is this time of cultivating. We need to take this opportunity to seek out ways to enrich our soil so we too can bear fruit in the future.

Miracles: Still Alive and Well

How can anyone not believe in miracles, in an almighty God and creator at the birth of a child?  January 11th 2019 I had the incredible blessing of a new grandson Rudolph John the IV.  His entry was nothing short of miraculous and it has deepened and strengthened my faith in new ways.

My son in law called at two in the morning and I knew immediately this was it. My daughter was in labor and they would be heading into the hospital. So of course I couldn’t fall back to sleep. He called again at 4:30 confirming she was admitted to the hospital so I told him I would head up in a bit. I had already discussed with them I didn’t need to be in the room, but I was going to be at the hospital, just in case you know…she needed her mom. Much to my delight when I got there she said sure come on back. So we hung out in Labor room 5 all morning, sharing stories, prayers and contractions till about 12:30 when it was time to push. I told them this is your time, I squeezed my daughters arm and said "You got this, I’ll be in the waiting room." So I paced for a bit, about an hour outside the room, then went to the waiting room, an hour turned into 2 then 3. Well maybe I should get some lunch so I went down to the atrium, had a bite to eat..Geez 3 o clock what’s taking so long. Apparently I was not the norm having both my children arrive in under 30 minutes of pushing. I decided to head over to the chapel to pray for a bit. As I entered the chapel and began to pray I heard a code called over the P.A system. I didn’t really pay any attention to it till I caught Labor room 5. My heart skipped a beat. They repeated Code pink Labor room 5. I said, Hold that thought for a minute God and high tailed it back up to the waiting room. I grabbed the first person in blue scrubs I could find and asked what is a code pink? Baby in distress. Holy Jesus. With rubber legs, I tried not to run, but quickly made my way back up to the waiting room and asked the receptionist if she had any updates for Labor room 5. We don’t give out any updates, you’ll have to contact someone in the room. I checked my phone, no text. I knew better than to try and text so I pulled out my rosary and prayed. The anxiety and fear was coursing through my entire body. But I talked to my friend Jesus. I said I know you hear the cry of your people and I’m crying here. I also know your will, and all that,  but I’d really like to meet my grandson. My mind started entertaining worst case scenarios, none of which I would wish on my daughter. But I knew enough to stop that train of thought in its tracks, it's unproductive and crippling.  I called my husband and asked him to pray, I texted a prayer warrior friend and asked her to pray. And I prayed, and I prayed and I calmed. It seemed like an eternity but half an hour later her doula came out and sat next to me and said he’s here and everyone’s perfect, you can go see him now.

I burst into tears, I just couldn’t hold back my emotions for one more minute. Thank you Jesus thank you Jesus. I got myself together and met my grandson. Apparently everything was fine then it wasn’t. His heart rate dropped and they told my daughter look you have to get him here now. He wasn’t breathing, he was gray, and they immediately rushed him to the table and began suctioning him out. Come to find out later that the cord was wrapped around his neck, twice. And just by God's grace the doctor on call was the very best at resuscitation. That's just how God works. A few harrowing moments later he was perfect, just like that. We all cried and hugged and thanked God for watching over us all. Not only did my prayers help me, I really think they helped baby Rudy. The Lord does hear the cry of his people.

I just love this photo of the newest addition to our family. The look on my daughters face is priceless, relief, thanksgiving, gratitude, love and Baby Rudy looking directly into his fathers eyes. Precious life, a miracle indeed.